ABC Orders Standards

Hi! I'm back again. I came across some paper work from my old days as a Kingston (a polygamist group). They are called "ABC Order Standards" and I would like to post this for everybody to read and think about. While some of these can be good ways to live, the way they are used in the Kingston group is very hypocritical and is a way to keep people under control.

A is for Appreciation: I appreciate my life and all of the wonderful blessing and gifts my Heavenly Father has given me. (Are poverty and birth defects gifts?)

B is for Brother: I love my brothers and sisters and never raise my hand against them. (Now a man can beat his daughters, sons, and wives. Let's clear that up)

C is for Cherish: I cherish my membership in the Order and thank the Lord each day for this gift. Membership in the Order is like a hunting license: It doesn't guarantee anything, but gives you the right to hunt and seek for eternal life. (By hunting, they mean hunting for their next wife)

D is for Dress: I keep myself clean and dress in a modest way that is pleasing to my Heavenly Father. (Apparently Heavenly Father likes his kids in clothes 2 sizes to big)

E is for Eternal Life: I will put gaining eternal life first before anything else in my life. (Including a dependable roof over my children's heads)

F is for Form: I will wait to form any ties with a boy or girl until I receive my Heavenly Father's direction on marriage. I will save myself for the one I marry. (Unless my last name is Kingston or Gustafson and I see a hot 9 year old..)

G is for the Golden Rule: I will treat other people as I would want them to treat me. (You want other people to rape and beat you?!)

H is for Honesty: I never take anything that is not mine. If I ever borrow anything, I ask permission first, and I return it. (Can I have the title for your house? I'll give it back when you get to Heaven.)

I is for Incomings: I will let all of my incomings and outgoings be in the name of the Lord. I watch what I spend and avoid extravagance. (Again if your name is Paul or Daniel Kingston this one doesn't count)

J is for Janitor: I would rather be a janitor in the house of the Lord than a king in any other kingdom. (I was actually a janitor in the house of the Lord, and I'd switch for the King)

K is for Kiss: My first kiss will be on my wedding day with my husband or wife. (Again Exclude Kingstons and Gustafsons)

L is for Love: I will strive to love others as Jesus loves me. (I don't think you're loving like Jesus loved....)

M is for Marriage: I will ask my Heavenly Father for direction and guidance in choosing my future husband or wife. (Sometimes you get to find out who your husband is before you're even old enough to be legally married!!)

N is for Natural: A natural man is an enemy to God. (An unnatural man is pasty and has an aspirin head)

O is for Obedience: I obey my father and mother and those who are over me. (Paul and Daniel excluded)

P is for Prayer: I begin and end each day with prayer and remember my meditations. Prayer, meditation and the help of the Lord will help me make my decisions. (He also helps you find lost remote controls!)

Q is for Quality: I will improve the quality of my life by using my time for the benefit of others. (By others....I mean myself...)

R is for Resolve: It is my firm resolve and fixed purpose to give my all to the Lord; my time, my talents, all that I am or ever expect to be, to the establishment of Zion and the building up of the Kingdom of God upon this Earth. This is consecration. (Did Paul change his name to Lord...?)

S is for Speak: When I speak, the words that I say are clean and pure. I will not swear or use my Heavenly Father's name in vain. (God damn! I was never good at this one...)

T is for Truth: I always tell the truth. (Exclude Paul, Daniel, and David Kingston)

U is for Understanding: I will understand the feelings and actions of other people and not be quick to judge them. (I understand you're hungry, but I need to pay off this lien....Go collect the change from your couch and give it to me.)

V is for Voice: I listen to the still small voice within me. It tells me what is right and wrong. If I listen and obey, it will guide me every day. (Ok wait... is it Paul, Lord, or Still Small Voice?! I'm so confused...)

W is for the Word of Wisdom: I obey the Word of Wisdom and eat and drink only the things that are good for me and my body. I will never taste and alcoholic beverage or try any drug. I will never put a cigarette in my mouth. (Don't do any research on the Comfry plant. Ignore the part where it says it should never be ingested and it could cause liver cancer. Keep drinking it every day, especially when you get liver cancer)

X is for eXercise: I will exercise my mind and my body with clean thoughts and wholesome activities. (When they aren't wholesome Paul or Daniel will exercise their bodies and minds while they verbally and physically abuse you)

Y is for Youth: I will represent my mind and my body with clean thoughts and wholesome activities. (See X is for eXercise)

Z is for Zest: I do my work with zest and do more than I am asked to do. I thank the Lord each day for my opportunities and blessings. (Paul and Daniel appreciate all that hard work too...I know because they've got it stashed in their basements and under their beds in the form of gold and silver)